From the ashes

It has been two months now that I have left Delhi behind. It has been a long time. During this time I have realised that I am actually capable of missing home. I really like the little overcrowded house we have. The little things that we, Bengalis tend to accumulate that we never throw away… my grandma perennially shouting on grandpa cause he cant hear anything… the 'perceived' lack of privacy or freedom.

I miss my family, my home, my colony, my friends. My mother … in so many ways. Running after me to make me partake my meals, organise my bookshelf, take a bath even perhaps. Hostel life is fun. We get to do everything on our own. And I realised that was it, everything on our own. There is no one you can ask for a glass of water. And furthermore, you have to go down a flight of stairs to get it instead. There is no one to fall back upon. Even with all the fun you have with your wingies, you are always essentially alone. Alone to adjust, to carve a niche for yourself, to realise what you want, to get that which you wanted, to make friends, to love the people around and to become befriended. Its all about the people. Work too involves them. And your equation always has to be the best with them. There is no other way.

Well, so much for the freedom we get here. My room is always in a perennial mess. I get to stay messed up too. All night and day, if I want. I can talk on phone for long. I have my own laptop now. And there is fun unlimited. But at the same time I would have liked someone bossing me around. I guess, 19 years of my life instantly makes me miss that. :P Still, it is almost as if I have two compartments to my life. My home life and my college life.

Best of both worlds isn’t possible. You live in one only at a point of time. You see the good and bad of each one. And you best all the trials.

The last time I went home for the weekend, I just slept off the days and the nights. Like all the other times, I went home. I conclude I must miss my bed or that I miss sleep itself. The over-enthusiastic part of me has jumped into tons of college activities and now, I hardly have time to sleep. Oh well….

Then home food. Bengali cuisine. Mom cooking…

I miss everything. Chicken, kheer, chutney, fish too... Food is always a downer in hostel life. I guess, everyone who ever lived in a hostel would have complained about that!!!

But, in the ups and downs, there are a lot of ups. I have found great friends here too. I keep wanting to share my life with my other friends in Delhi too. Atleast my friend circle is enlarging. I am happy that it can never shrink. My group here, which came into existence on the second day of my college life, is awesome fun. We have the best times ever. We watch each others backs. We pull pranks, we dance, we sing, we do stupidest of things and talk utter crap. And we enjoy. Ohh… yess. We sometimes study together too.

I have found many new avenues here in terms of work. I am finally learning photography. I am handling dslrs and learning about them. I am learning many new techniques and from the experience of my seniors. I am practising something that was very close to my heart and still is… photography. I also joined the debating society. And I am learning. Learning loads. I just need to figure out my time management. I really need to take care of my academics now. Time management!!!

And finally, the last cobwebs of the dingy past have been wiped away. I am with this ‘nice guy’ here. I am learning again to trust, to love, to heal and to forget.

All the pieces are littered on the floor. They make sense at times and at times they don’t. I am really trying to figure out whatever is it that they mean or should mean. They will fall into place I am sure. And soon. But all along, though I am trying to go with the flow, it always isn’t the best thing to do. And in between these phases, the figuring out and the correcting is taking place.

I am learning to surf as if, between waves and on them.

With this, I come out of the sabbatical from my blog. It has been long that I kept writing away from me. And its time I returned.